Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
His nipple licking is glorious
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