do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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