you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize