If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I don't deserve a penis
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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