you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
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Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
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I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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