The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
