goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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