So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
