i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
