Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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