remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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