My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
