Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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