I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
