Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
