a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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