therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
