Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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