Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
