Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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