just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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