I'm really into asian looking animals
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
