i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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