I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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