he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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