Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
