You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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