Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
