He had one of those small greek statue penises
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
When did angry sex become our thing?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
