How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
