i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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