i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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