Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
