she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
