what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
