I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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