i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
