My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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