I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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