Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just found puke in my bra..
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
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I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
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I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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