At least make sure they are 18
Why
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
