tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
