She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You can't just leave with hair like that
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
