I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
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