i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize