this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
