so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
