my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
