He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
