You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
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How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
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This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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