He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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