Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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