this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I have aggressive nipples.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
