I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
