I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
