Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
