but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I think I sprained my soul last night
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
