Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
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