My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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