I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
