How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
