I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
