Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
how does that bad decision feel?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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