my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My bed smells like the plague
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
