I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
